#77

sitting in the wealthiest suburb of the frenchest city in france scribbling symbols with a stolen pen on a notebook that should have been filled up hundreds of days ago waiting for the update to finish installing sitting cockeyed on a broken chair trying to keep the flow going trying to keep from glancing at the computer screen trying to keep from looking out the window at the sleet and the street light trying to avoid real problems getting distracted by the wooden floor trying to figure out what if anything is important trying to stay interested in something anything anyone for more than a couple hours trying not to be rude trying not to masturbate trying not to give in and go to bed trying not to make any noise trying not to be antisocial trying to make sense of trying without knowing why trying to get comfortable trying to make arrangements for my mother trying to keep this clean trying not to hold back looking at my hand holding the pen trying to purge trying to masochize trying to let the bile out with the blood trying to live trying to get the fuck over it trying to be a good friend trying not to try and just be