#16

and dont call me the space case if you see the steam rising from the sewer grates at four in the morning walking around bangkok alone noticing peoples eyes and gaits because i have nothing to do with that and dont accuse me of being loopy if you cant open your jar of peanut butter in the morning when youre late for work and hungry as a hippo and dont call me crazy just because the only pair of scissors you can find is made for southpaws and it made jagged edges when you cut up your construction paper and dont say im out of my tree when the key wont turn in the ignition when youre in oklahoma on your way to california and dont accuse me of insanity when your computer wont listen to you anymore and dont tell me im psycho if you cant keep your windows closed and the roaches out of your hair and dont call me nuts if your socks dont match and dont lock me in the loony bin if your ray gun kills when it is only set on stun and dont call me wacko when you can only see through your eyes and your eyes

#15

and captains log stardate unknown the thoughts are coming to me more quickly now like the stars when entering light speed and i even feel a little dizzy from the sickening rapidity of their capture and subsequent release and it makes me feel a little unbalanced and i dont mean physically but mentally unbalanced like maybe im getting a little spacy in the outhere which is fascinating considering the crew and i have been in flight for more than thirteen months now in the outhere and i think it might have something to do with the recent passing of wilson and god knows he was a good man and who ever would have thought he had a bad heart but who knows what the real cause of death was because the autopsy couldnt be performed because wilson was the ship doctor and one can only hope that his death wasnt caused by a viral fiend or a space demon but the demons are just myth but they do exist they do in the mind in the outhere and i know this because i have felt them and i have felt the pressure and it feels like they want to break through your skull and you know that they dont want to get out but just make your head crack under all that pressure

#14

and i am fond of taking my pulse and i think it is because it grounds my life in the medical and the medical is a great thing to be grounded in because the one occupation universally considered good is doctor and i also like goals like hmm i think i would like to lower my pulse rate by one bpm by the tuesday after next and i think that is just as honorable as doctorhood and trying to lower my pulse rate encourages me to eat healthier and exercise more often and to be less stressed about certain things and everybody knows that those sure are three things we need to work on because no matter how healthy you eat you can eat healthier and no matter how much you exercise you can exercise more and no matter how stress free you are the dead are less stressed and this i know because i have seen books about how to live your life and in fact i have seen a whole section in the bookstore dedicated to this sorta thing and some of these books are priced for a real steal so dont hesitate and get off your lazy ass and get down to the bookstore and get a book to tell you how to do things or even better a movie

#13

and poetic language because i dont know how i feel about it and i dont know if i want to feel like i was really there and breasts firm and up pointed like ripe acorns and such and i hope they dont taste like acorns and why is that poetic language and why is fuck bitches and hoes in the mouth and in the nose not poetic language and isnt a painting as much a form of language as printed words are and if a painting is a form of language then isnt a photograph a form of language and if a photograph is a form of language then isnt what the photograph depicts a form of language and since a photograph can depict anything then isnt everything a form of language and if this is so then why is the face that launched a thousand ships more poetic than my hairy testicles propped up on the bathroom sink and i guess that some photographer in chelsea probably thinks that my nuts on a ceramic counter is the definition of language but im not so sure that he is a genius but i am certain that writing like shakespeare is not genius because one hundred billion monkeys beating on typewriters will eventually type out the complete works of jacques derrida

#12

and i wish i was gay because then people would take my art much more seriously and its not that people dont take my art seriously now but its just that if youre gay and an artist youre automatically part of the revolution and you can also put on that tortured bit that gets the nonartists all riled up because people who dont make art believe that you gotta be real unhappy and a little cracked to make anything worth consuming but it is actually the case that these people are more interested in the artist bio than they are the artists art which i guess is sorta the way things have worked for a while because it is popular opinion that art is personal expression but fuck that and dont be so clingy and especially dont cling to yourself because its not worth it and do you really think anyone gives a shit about the way you feel about this and that and the answer is no and especially do you think anyone cares about your emotions and the answer to that is a great big fuck you and by the way no i dont care about your feelings you sticky cunt

#11

the generally accepted rule in a library is to be quiet which most people take as be silent but some people take as oh great here is a good quiet place where my friend and me can have a conversation without other people trying to talk all the time and these are the people that consider themselves exceptions and not just exceptions to some particular rule but to every rule because they are more important than the rest of us and it really makes me mad because i am the only one with any god given right to break the rules because i have special needs because i am much smarter than pretty much everyone and i am an artist and not just any depressed college kid who thinks a heightened sense of emotion and his great despair and his observational powers and his liking for low budget movies and music make him an artist but rather i am a real honest to god artiste in the grandest fashion and i will change the world with my art so i can do whatever the fuck i want so get off my goddam back

#10

oh my lord im so sore and i dont think im gonna go to the gym today even though i usually go on thursdays because i feel like it might be counterproductive to go when youre sore already because you must give your muscles time to fully recover before you bust them up again and if you do not then this can lead to fatigue and eventually a cycle of regression where even though you are exercising you are actually getting weaker and the same goes for any sort of intellectual activity such as reading so you can only read for so long before it becomes counterproductive and your brain fries but today i have to force myself to read a bunch because thats what the teacher ordered and if theres one thing i know its that you dont want to piss off a teacher because they will tear your testicles from your fragile body quick as a cat when youre not looking and they wont regret it a bit when they see you standing there blood and semen dripping from your open crotch and screaming and you trying to hold back and calm yourself so you can finish the reading before teacher goes for something more important like your heart and i know because i read about it

#9

my roommate always has the tv on and its sorta annoying but i sorta like staying in touch with pop culture and what better way to do that than watch that 70s show for an hour or two each night and all the commercials i mean thats where the real gold is you get some real cultural capital out of that i mean you can talk for hours about the shit you see on commercials and start conversations with people you dont have anything in common with you know like that kid down the hall you always say hello to but wait i think he said he didnt have a tv so what do you talk about with people like him what a shit head what the fuck does he want you to talk to him about if you cant talk about everyday stuff like commercials and people like him should be lined up and shot or actually they should give those losers twenty four hours like in a crime flick to acquire a culture box also known as a television before they put a bullet through his head or maybe not i mean if the retards are not are not smart enough to have a box yet then fuck them so go get a tv and watch it

#8

its not good to make light of serious things so you shouldnt laugh at the thought of suicide and you shouldnt chuckle when you think about the tutsi and the hutu and you shouldnt look back on september eleventh with a twinkle in your eye and you should not whisper murder sweetly in your loved ones ear and you should try not to cheer someone up with talk of leprosy and dont use arsenic in your cake batter and dont smile when you talk about genocide and dont sing a happy melody with lyrics about the joy of war and dont jokingly salute hitler and dont call someone jesus or mother teresa or gandhi unless you mean it and dont kill for pleasure and dont make frivolous puns on the word aids and dont take any more than you need and dont play around with your skinny friend by saying hey man theres starving kids in china that would kill for that finish it unless you really care and are somehow doing something to fix the problem yourself and dont laugh when someone else is crying and dont good naturedly poke someone when they are depressed and dont pretend while there is so much bad shit in the world and dont believe that this is reality

#7

back to the lab after a long winter hibernation not too refreshing but better than nothing actually no i wish i had kept up with my writing during my scholastic hiatus really its a damn shame but now im back to the two a dayers at least i hope it takes energy but it gives me even more plus it keeps the knots out of my back and youd never know it but earlier i was thinking about the phrase somewhere off the coast of oklahoma but now im thinking maybe nebraska would do better because nebraska seems even more foreign than oklahoma and thats funny that a state can be landlocked and have some happy people in it because i need some water to look at not some wheat field or maybe id get used to it and i hear they grow the nebraska boys up tall and right just the way walt wouldve liked them man he woulda eaten up some six foot six corn fed corn bred farm boy with blond hair tan skin and bulging biceps and thats not all thats bulging hed say i love the way you do