#170

trouble was brewing for beer bandits in covina when a botched theft turned into a sideshow so what happened was three nineteen year old men went into the baja ranch market and stole a thirty pack of tecate but the clerks spotted the theft and ran after the men tackling and detaining one of them in the parking lot while another guy got behind the wheel and the third guy threw the beer and himself into the passenger seat but as they pulled off one of the employees stood in the way of the car and when the bandits tried to plow through him the employee jumped on the hood of the car causing the driver to crash into a curb and throw the employee off at which point the two men scaled a fence and landed in the neighboring car wash and while the driver ran to freedom the other one ran into the car wash tunnel behind two cars so he had to just take the beating and swishing and hot water and wax for a couple minutes and when he got to the other side two police officers were waiting to arrest the wet rat and to cap it all off the driver who escaped had left his wallet and identification in the car so the cops just called him and convinced him to turn himself in and now all three men are in covina city jail in lieu of fifty thousand dollars bail

#169

i cant wait around man i cant wait around youve been a great collaborator and youre a true friend but your excuses are too many and too much for me to handle because i have so much energy that i need to get it out get it out and i cant wait around for you to find a convenient weekend to work because you are always going to find excuses and until you realize that sacrifice is the price of art and the excuses that keep coming up are of your own making then we will never work again but as soon as you figure your shit out if indeed you ever do then ill be glad to jump back in the cockpit with you and take the beast to mach twenty up into outer space skidding around saturns rings and dipping through gaseous jupiter and out to pluto and beyond and beyond and into different universes but i cant wait around man i cant wait around so im gonna have to lift off on my own and you can try to meet me out there but ill be hard to find because ill be in strange places where people like you dont go until you decide you wanna go bad enough that you get outta your nest long enough to stretch your wings so for godsake either do it or give up but quit the flapping because i cant wait around man i cant wait around

#168

theres a pile of gear in the living room all musical stuff an amplifier a speaker cabinet a stratocaster and a gibson acoustic and a bag full of cables and shit all of the items bunched together by the door because i was too lazy to put them in their proper places after the gig four days ago and the ceiling fan spins on its lowest speed breezing down on a squat square coffee table covered with mail and netflix dvds and an empty water bottle and tippss cologne and the sunken green couch sits there depressing and i am sitting at the cluttered dining room table which is covered with all sortsa shit like my canon a1 and an empty box of 400tx and an old but functional pair of fostex studio monitor headphones and a parking violation citation which i am due to contest in court shortly and another empty plastic water bottle and typewritten notes for a short film and a plane ticket for michael tipps los angeles to chicago and a piece of returned mail and a spray bottle of magic sizing and three foul candles that certainly wouldnt be here if i had my way and my computer playing some moody tune from elevator to the gallows and all this is happening and existing when she walks through my front door and tells me she doesnt love me anymore

#167

a moment an instant a point in time is my only existence is my only experience i have never and will never be except for in a moment unappreciated and unnoticed and defiled and rotten even before it passes people have told me to live in the moment or live for the moment but i cant because the moment is real and i live for more than real i live for divine and transcendent and perfect which exists only in my distorted memories and imagination but certainly not in the here and now i have never appreciated a point in time as i lay suspended in it but i have fully loved a moment looking back and i have reached levels of excitement bordering on hilarity anticipating moments to come but the best i have ever done with an instant is to become unconscious of pasts and futures but that happens almost faster than an instant and fades away within the same instant because time cannot even be considered in such a thought or such a thought be contained in time or ever placed on a timeline because the timeline doesnt exist in the thought and a moment only exists in a linear representation of time which may not be linear at all though the human experience of it is certainly so but in any case and despite it all i exist in my subjective timeline and waste moment after moment after moment after moment

#166

get it started get it up and started start the day take it all the way get it moving get it going push it off crank it up start it up lets go roll call up and at em wakey wakey eggs and bakey lets go rock and roll lickety split lets hop to it dont delay act now before its too late time to go we are late we are gonna be late we gotta go theres no time nows the time the time is now to get it going crank it up set it spinning never drop keep it up juggle juggle keep all those balls in the air dont let em drop have some coffee here we go vitamin b lets go now adderall start me up speedball all night long never sleep never die always go and keep it up never drop come on baby one more cup before i go before i go go go and get it started get it get it come on now we late we late lets go lets go i cant be late on your account goodbye oh no thats the alarm get up its five lets do it again i said get up dont lie down there hop to it hup one hup two roll call up and at em in formation march like ants in time in time repent clock repent youll never keep up you cant keep up cause my ticker is stronger than yours so get it started get it up and started start the day take it all the way

#165

being funny is easy except when its hard which is when youre trying to be funny and your trying mind switches into logic mode and slows your response time to an embarrassing lag if you even get a retort out at all so i guess what i am saying is that your funniness depends on something totally other than brain power or reasoning power but rather it depends on connection time and how mad your reason naturally is so maybe there is no hope for the unfunny or maybe there is some way to train this unconscious part of your brain and to excise logic and reasoning from the joke process but that still leaves the fact that you may be trying to be funny which will kill a joke no matter what so what does that say for a comedy writer like me who spends hours and weeks and longer on scripts and jokes and such does it mean that what i write can only be funny if i dont think about it thus making the first draft of everything by definition the funniest and every revision a detriment to the original product but what if i put even less though into the revision than i put into the first draft i guess that would make the revision more thoughtless and therefore funnier so maybe i should do revisions with no thought at all i can tell you one thing i aint gonna revise this rotten thing funny or not

#164

it had to be you wonderful you on the ferris wheel at the pier going over the water like we are going out to nothing to the yonder to the deep blue forever but then the lights track us back over the wood and the wild neon lattice of the machine transforms itself into infinite geometries every new moment but all i feel and all i notice is your warm hand slipping onto mine like natural like that was the right thing to do with your hand at that moment when we were on the ferris wheel in santa monica falling in love and your husband was at work in hollywood managing some bar on the boulevard not thinking that you were falling in love with me on the ferris wheel in santa monica on the pier with your hand slipping onto mine sending warmth from my fingertips up past my collar into my blushing face down to my unsure toes and the neon dancing like sugarplums reflected in your eyes looking so sure and innocent so sure that you are doing the right thing moving your hand onto my thigh on the ferris wheel on the santa monica pier while your husband is managing some bar on hollywood boulevard not thinking that what we are about to do could ever be happening as i lean in to kiss you the melody of that song keeps running through my head it had to be you wonderful you

#163

theres a somebody im longing to see someone wholl watch over me and care for me so I can surrender to my laziness and exist in calm without worry for nutrition or shelter or warmth or the emptiness that i usually feel with no one to love me and no one in my bed except some fly in fuck buddy every now and again but its not like i want a full time girlfriend or a wife or anything like that rather id like some comforting angel to spend my nights with who smiles warmly and doesnt tell me about her day and i dont tell her about mine instead we just look in each others eyes and that is enough and when morning comes shes already gone back in heaven watching over me making sure i dont step into the street in front of a runaway bus or sit on a scorpion or become infatuated with some pretty face that will soon transform into a wretched and miserable bitch that makes her top priority to make my life a living hell in retaliation for me stopping to care for her or even really give a shit how she feels anymore oh yes my angel will never let this happen to me because weve got it perfect because i love her and she loves me and we dont take more than we want to give and we dont give more than we want to take yeah thats a somebody im longing to see